Selfish
by Mummyluvr
Summary: All he ever wanted was his brother. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish. A series of drabbles - one for each episode - about Dean.
1. Pilot

With the Supernatural season over, I'm going to need something to do this summer. I guess I figured that writing little one-shots about Dean for each episode would be a cool way to pass the time. I'll try to update everyday if I can. Enjoy!

**Title: **Selfish

**Summary: **All he ever wanted was his brother. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish. A series of drabbles about Dean. One for every episode.

**Rating: **K+

**Warning:** Spoilers for episodes 1- however many episodes are in the series. You've been warned.

**Disclaimer:** SN is totally not mine. If it were, there would be more about Dean and his multitude of head-case issues :)

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Selfish

All he ever wanted was his brother. He'd begged and begged his parents for a younger sibling, someone he could teach things to, and protect, and love. They'd given him what he wanted, brought the baby home from the hospital, taught him to feed and change and take care of the infant.

It had taken only six months for his dreams and his hopes and his mother to become consumed by fire. Six months exactly since the day the brother he'd always wanted had been born.

He couldn't help but blame himself. After all, his mother had died in the nursery, the nursery of the baby he'd begged for. He'd made her sacrifice her life for something that he'd wanted. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.

o0o0o0o0o0o

All he ever wanted was his brother. He'd begged and begged for Sammy to stay with him, to give the life of a hunter just one more shot. He'd wanted to keep his little brother safe, wanted to protect him from harm, and he couldn't do that with Sam in California.

He'd gone to his brother for help after their father had disappeared without a trace, and had been surprised to find that he wasn't living alone. He had Jessica. Dean had been replaced.

Sam agreed to help him find their father, and for that he was thankful. He had one more chance to get his brother back. He wasn't about to let it go.

But it went, and Sam didn't want him anymore. He wanted Jessica. Dean drove away from the apartment hoping against hope that Sam would change his mind and call him and decided to head back on the road. He wished for his brother, wished for something to fill the empty space of the passenger seat, for something to stop up the bleeding hole in his heart.

He'd gone back to see if wishes came true, and found that they do. Jess was burning, Sam was lost, and Dean was happy. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.

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So, that was chapter 1. What do you think? You DO know that reviews keep me breathing, right:) 


	2. Wendigo

Wow. I'm actually surprised that people read (and that people ahve me on their favorite authors list! Yay!). Well, far be it for me to deny you another wonderful drabble :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He didn't want this stranger, though, this mopey, brooding, sad excuse for a hunter. It wasn't Sam, not his Sam. This man, this imposter that wore his brother's face, he didn't care. Sam had always cared about other people, but all this thing wanted was vengeance.

He thirsted for vengeance, for that demon's blood to be sprayed all over as he stood and laughed and boasted that it was over. The thirst took him on the road. It took him on the road with his brother. It was because of this that Dean knew he was selfish.


	3. Dead in the Water

I'm glad that everyone's liking the drabbles. I promise, there are longer ones in store for the future :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He'd never wanted Sam to know, though. Never thought the younger man would find out about how much he'd seen the night his mother died, how much he remembered, how much it affected him. He'd wanted to hide the truth for as long as possible, wanted Sam to be kept in the dark. If Sammy knew, he figured, then Sammy would leave. It was what he did best.

Dean had never told Sam that he'd seen their mother burn, had never told him about his vow of silence. He'd never told Sam just how truly messed up he was. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	4. Phantom Traveler

-1All he ever wanted was his brother. He sure as hell wasn't letting Sam get on that plane alone. He figured that there was a time in every man's life when he had to face his fears, and the time had come today.

The exorcism didn't exactly go as planned, but that was ok. More than ok, actually, because it had refueled his brother's vengeful fire. As long as that fire was kept alive, Sam would stay with him. It was perfect.

The look on his brother's face when that demon had told him that it knew about Jessica would have been enough to make anyone cry. Dean, however, wasn't just anybody. He saw the look in Sam's eyes, saw the tears welling up, and knew that the demon had bought him more time. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	5. Bloody Mary

All right. it's time for an answer to that age-old question. Why _did_ Dean's eyes bleed?

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He'd never meant to make Sam feel all that guilt, never realized that his own wants could ruin his brother's life. 

He didn't mean to leave Sammy alone and surrounded by mirrors, didn't mean to take so long with the cops. He'd almost been too late.

She'd climbed out of the mirror and attacked them. Sam had gone down first, with big brother following close behind. Sammy had never asked, had maybe even forgotten. He didn't wonder, or just didn't want to know.

Dean's eyes bled because of the guilt. Too much blood on his hands, too much pain in his heart, and his brother by his side, also bleeding, because Dean refused to tell him everything.

He'd killed their mother, killed Jessica, taken pleasure in all of Sam's pain because it kept the younger man close, and he still had no regrets. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	6. Skin

All right. Time for another update and yet another thank-you to all those whoe have been reviewing. Thanks!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All he ever wanted was to _be_ his brother.

Sammy had it all: looks, grades, independence. He didn't desperately cling to his family for support and love, he went out on his own and found it in other places, in other people.

The shifter had tried to kill him, and Dean figured that it hadn't been because of the creature's vile nature. Not really. Somewhere, deep inside, in a place he tried not to look, a place he tried to hide, Dean had a plan. It wasn't ideal, but it could save him some pain. Almost a suicide pact, but not quite. Murder-suicide, really. If he couldn't have his brother, then maybe no one should. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	7. Hookman

Heehee.. I'm really glad people are still reading and reviewing. Makes my day to see all those reviews :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. That mopey guy from Black Water Ridge was finally gone, replaced by a guilty, confused kid with tentative love on his mind.

Dean didn't interfere. He'd finally gotten his Sammy back. This Lori chick was starting to cramp his style, though, spending more and more time with Sam.

He sped up the hunt, did it subtly, and Sam didn't seem to notice. He was too busy noticing Lori.

They burnt what was left of the hookman's hook and sped off down the road, leaving Lori and a piece of Sam's heart behind. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	8. Bugs

I don't really know what to say, but thanks for all of the awesome reviews!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He just needed to make Sammy see that without coming right out and telling him.

Dean used everything that had been made available to him, including a geeky little outcast of a kid. It was perfect, really. The boy was just like Sammy, just itching to get away. He used the kid to make a point and drive it home.

In the end, the boy and his family lived happily ever after. Dean knew he should be happy for them, but Sam still didn't seem to get the drift, so he could only be bitter. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	9. Home

I've been waiting to write this episode. After Mary's 'snub,' I've got say, Dean should have been pretty upset...

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All he ever wanted was his brother. Memories of happier times had faded over the years, and the only one who ever understood him (or so he thought) had been Sam.

But then he had seen his mother. The same mother that he had killed. He wanted to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to feel her comforting arms around him, to smell her perfume.

She was so beautiful, and she remembered him, even said his name. She didn't hug him, though, didn't comfort him. She walked by. She didn't even look at him.

She looked at Sam. She talked to Sam. She apologized to Sam. And then she exploded.

He should have been happy for his brother. Sam had finally been able to meet his mother. But it wasn't fair, and Dean was jealous, hated him, wanted to _be_ him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	10. Asylum

Sorry I haven't updated in a few days. I was working really hard on getting my latest story, "The Grapefruit Analogy," posted. It's a pretty interesting read if you've got nothing better to do (hint, hint).

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He'd never thought that his brother didn't want him, actually hated him enough to kill him. Sam did, though. It was made clear when he grabbed the gun and that hollow click echoed through the asylum's halls.

Dean found a way to turn it to his advantage, both during and after that little scare. He knew how Sam got, knew how his kid brother could be. Sam remembered everything, and he wanted to apologize.

Dean wasn't about to let him do that. An apology, talking about it… both warranted forgiveness. Forgiveness meant a clean slate. A clean slate meant Sammy could leave.

So Dean refused to talk. He refused to forgive. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	11. Scarecrow

Sorry again about the space between updates. Turns out that cleaning my room is a five day job.

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All Sam ever wanted was to be normal. They were conflicting wants, leaving neither man to get what he wanted without the other being hurt.

Sam worried about his brother, though, and Dean knew that. He was trapped in a cellar the first time Sam called, but he didn't answer. Let the runaway stew for a while. It wasn't like he cared enough to actually get off that bus and head back to Indiana. He hadn't cared enough the first time he'd left, anyway.

He knew that Sam still felt guilty about what had happened in that asylum, knew that Sam hadn't been able to forgive himself. When his little brother showed up in that orchard, Dean knew that he'd won yet again. He'd scared and guilted his brother into coming back to him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	12. Faith

Hey, all right. A quick update. Awesome, I know :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He never actually thought that his brother might want him, though.

He'd known it was the end as soon as that current had passed through his body, frying his nerves and stopping his heart. He'd figured that Sam would be happy, would finally be free, would finally be normal.

It had been a surprise, waking up in the hospital and finding Sammy bound and determined to save his pathetic life. Dean couldn't help but wonder if Sam still would have been so willing if he knew the kinds of things that went on inside big brother's head. He supposed he wouldn't.

That didn't matter, though, because Sam _did_ save him. He'd clung desperately to hope, to the need to keep Dean with him. Dean wasn't about to let his brother down, even though he felt guilt for what he was about to do to Layla.

He didn't run from the reaper, not because he wanted to save the innocent blonde girl, but because he had faith in his brother. He knew Sam would set the reaper free and he wouldn't have to worry anymore. His brother wanted him around, and not even a pretty dying girl could rip Dean away from him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	13. Route 666

Thanks again for the awesome reviews, guys. See, I'm finally getting back to daily updates!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. Sometimes, though, he wanted something more. 

He slept around, desperate for warmth and compassion and love. For human contact. He still wanted more, though. Something steady, something unwavering.

Everyone he loved left him, including Cassie. She offered to come back into his life, and he leapt at the chance to have her. She wanted him back, just like Sam had. She wasn't desperate enough to mess with a reaper, but maybe to reconcile.

Dean loved her, wanted her, had her. He also loved his brother, and staying with Cassie might mean losing him. Dean made a choice. He broke her heart, left her again, drove off into the sunset with Sam by his side and didn't regret it one bit. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	14. Nightmare

Whew. ACT prep can sure take a lot out of a girl. But I'm back now with another update. Yay!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. When Sammy was young and had bad dreams, Dean would sit up with him, lay in his bed, soothe him with nonsense words and bedtime stories.

It had been a while since he'd had to do that last, but he wasn't rusty. He slung an arm under his brother and helped him to the car, helped to ease the pain when the headaches became too much and the visions became too graphic.

He was surprised when Sam told him the story of how he'd been saved, surprised that Sam had used untapped abilities to rescue him. Dean knew his brother was scared of what was happening, but couldn't help but feel a sense of pride that he was the one who'd triggered the unexpected TK. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	15. Benders

Sorry again about the delay. Had some stuff (evil ACT of death) that I had to do...

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He'd lost him once, didn't want to lose him again.

He'd only gone to the bathroom, but it had been enough time for Sam to be taken from him. It had taken time for him to find his little brother, but the reunion had been worth it.

He was surprised when Sam had burst into the house and knocked the little girl out. He was surprised that Sam seemed to realize how important Dean was. He was surprised, and elated. He knew it was wrong, that Sam had almost died, that those hillbillies had almost killed and eaten him, but he couldn't help but smile. He'd saved his brother, and Sam knew that. Sam owed him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	16. Shadow

All right. This has got to be one of my favorite chapters so far. Even better, if you really like the idea, I wrote a one-shot about it. it's called 'Sabotage.'

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All Sam ever wanted anymore was vengeance.

Sammy said that once he'd gotten revenge on the thing that took his girlfriend, he was going to go back to school. Dean tried to talk him out of it, but Sam was stubborn, and he always got what he wanted. Dean was usually the one to give it to him.

Something happened to click in the older hunter's mind, though. If the demon was dead, Sam would leave. If that was true, then wasn't the opposite also true? If the demon lived, Sam would stay.

It didn't take long for Dean to start plotting, to start thinking of ways to drag out the hunt for the demon, to make Sam stay. He was going to keep his brother, even if it meant sabotaging the biggest hunt his family had ever been on. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	17. Hell House

All right. Let me tell you something, this episode was hard. I did the best I could, but I'm not sure about how good this chapter is. Hey, if you can think of anything better for HH, drop me a line, cuz I'm at a loss here :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He knew Sam hated their prank wars. That was why he started them.

He never felt closer to his brother than when they were plotting against each other, when they were just two big kids playing games and pulling pranks. It was like the childhood they never had, the one that had been taken from them.

He knew Sam thought it was stupid, but he didn't really care. He liked it, liked being that close, liked waiting for his brother to get him back. It didn't matter that Sam complained, because it was fun for Dean. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	18. Something Wicked

I'm back and I come bearing updates!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All he ever wanted was for his brother to be a kid, to have that chance, to just keep that innocence a little bit longer.

When he'd been younger, though, Dean had wanted something else. He hadn't wanted Sam. He hadn't even wanted their parents. He'd wanted to be a kid, wanted to have that chance, to keep that innocence just a little bit longer.

He'd snuck out, just for a while, to do things that normal kids did. He didn't really like video games, not unless they had guns and bad guys in them, but normal kids didn't care about weapons and monsters. For that half hour, neither did Dean.

He'd ventured back to the motel room feeling better about his life than he had in months, but that feeling was taken away when he saw the shtriga. He'd grabbed the gun, but had been too scared to shoot. His brother almost died because of his own stupid wants.

From that moment on, Sammy had become his only want. Every once in a while, though, that old urge to just be like everyone else and have what everyone else had would creep up on him. He would act on that urge, leaving in the middle of the night, leaving Sam unprotected. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	19. Provenance

Sory about the longer-than-usual delay. I was on vacation, trying to get a tan so my dad would stop making ghost noises at me when i wear shorts. long story short, I'm no longer white, but instead a lovely shade of pink :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. Sam wanted something more, though, something normal. He wanted Sarah.

Dean let him have her. He could have charmed her in an instant, kept her far away from his little brother, but he didn't. He practically handed her to Sam, pushing his brother towards her at every turn.

He knew they would leave, knew they couldn't stay. It was his plan all along, a way to prove to Sam that he could only count on one person to always be there for him. Making friends and hooking up in various towns was great, but there was no potential for an actual relationship there, and now Sam knew that. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	20. Dead Man's Blood

Sorry about the especially long wait for this chapter. I went on vacation for a week. I meant to post this before leaving, but I forgot in the rush to pack up and hit the road. So sorry! Can you ever forgive me?

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He would never let anything stand in the way of that. No one was going to take his Sammy away.

And then dad showed up.

Dad, who'd never really cared for Dean, who pushed him out the door and sent him to the morgue for blood. He could only imagine what Sam and his father talked about while he was gone, but when he came back things were different.

Sam and dad were smiling. They were on speaking terms. Something had happened to pull Sammy farther away from big brother and closer to their father. Dean just couldn't allow that.

He told his father that they needed to stick together, even though they were under strict orders to split up. Sam agreed with him, and a fight started.

He never thought his dad would end up agreeing with him, though. He never thought they'd end up sticking together. He could see his brother and his father getting closer by the minute and he hated it, wanted to tear them apart. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	21. Salvation

Almost done with season one. Can you believe it?

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All he ever wanted was his brother. As long as the demon stayed alive, Sam would stay to hunt it.

He blocked his brother's way into the burning building, citing suicide as his reasoning. He knew in heart that that was a lie, though. Sam had the Colt, and with it, he could kill the demon. If Sam killed the demon, he would head back to Stanford. He'd said so himself.

So Dean pulled him away from the fire, breathing a sigh of relief as the demon faded into the flames and Sammy stopped fighting him. His brother was going to stay with him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	22. Devil's Trap

The end of a season. Wasn't it grand? Now all I have to do is finish typing up season 2 and post it before September. Season 3's gonna double my workload with Selfish and Poetry taking up my Friday study halls. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make, though :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He was willing to risk everything and commit an act of sabotage to keep him.

He was on the ground, blood running out of him, coating the hardwood, slicking the floor. He could hear his father asking to be killed. Dean knew that couldn't happen. Even with a haze of pain surrounding his thoughts, he remembered. If their father died, the demon would, too. If the demon died, Sammy would leave.

He begged. He begged for his brother to spare a life, though he never specified which one. Sam listened. John lived. The demon escaped. 22 years of searching and they'd finally found it. 22 years of searching, and Dean let it escape. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	23. In My Time of Dying

Season 2! Season 2! Season 2! Man, I've really gotta finish typing these up, don't I?

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All he ever wanted was for his brother to want him.

Sam had never really shown an interest in wanting Dean around, though. It really shocked the older man when he rounded the corner, looked into his room, and saw Sam crying like a baby over his dying body. It shocked him… and elated him.

The things that Sam told him from across that flimsy old board game, the way he was willing to try anything to bring his brother back, it all made Dean happier than he'd ever been before. So what if it took a deadly scare to bring his brother around? It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.

o0o0o0o0o

All he ever wanted was his brother. He would do anything for the kid, give anything without question.

He couldn't follow his father's orders, grant his idol's dying wish. Dean had nothing without Sam, was nothing, could be nothing. He couldn't kill his brother, no matter what. Dean would just have to save him. If he couldn't… well, judging by his father's urgent tone, he probably wouldn't live long enough to regret it. He was fine with that. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	24. Everybody Loves a Clown

Sorry for the delay on this one. I've been trying to find online college applications (the one I want is ALWAYS down) so i don't have to pay to send them in, and I'm actually working on a book and a fanfic and this all at the same time so things are hectic. Here's ELAC.

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All Sam ever seemed to want was a normal existence.

All his life, Sammy had longed for a girl, a nice house with a white picket fence, college, nine-to-five, 2.5 kids. He'd wanted to 'live regular.'

That phase in his life seemed to be over. He had actually said that he didn't want to be like everyone else. For the first time in his life, Dean could see that light at the end of a very lonely tunnel.

And then he'd asked. He needed to hear it again, to know for sure that he was the reason Sam had given up on his dreams.

Sam wasn't embracing the life because of Dean, though. He was doing it because of his father. The father that had told Dean to kill him. He was choosing their dad over the man that had raised him.

So Dean thought about it and he lashed out. He landed a low blow and hurt his brother so bad that Sam ran to him for help… because Dean the only one left to run to. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	25. Bloodlust

I finally got all of these typed up and saved and updates should come a little faster now. yay!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. Sometimes, though, he just wanted to smack the kid.

He'd never hit Sam, though. Couldn't risk losing him like he'd lost everyone else. Naturally, it scared him when he actually hit the younger man.

Sam stared at him after that, watching him, waiting for him to break. Dean didn't break, though. He wasn't broken. He no longer felt as if he was about to shatter.

He felt good. There was a bruise standing out on Sammy's cheek, painfully black and blue in the light of the setting sun. It felt good to share the pain, even if it wasn't the same kind of pain. He would do it again, too, if given the chance. He had no regrets. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	26. Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Ok. I'm back, and would like to take some time to thank all of the faithful reviewers who read the drabbles and then make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside by saying nice things. Thanks!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He hadn't anticipated the frightened look in Sam's eyes, though.

He was spiraling, looking for a way to drown the pain, to breathe again, to be himself. He was scaring his brother, and he couldn't do that. If he got scared, Sam might run. If he ran, Dean would be alone, and he didn't like being alone.

So he pulled the car over and sat on the hood and spilled his guts. Dean wasn't stupid, he only told his brother enough to make him stay, to explain the crumpled trunk and large bruise and shaken professor. Anything more and Sam might run. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	27. Simon Said

HP7 is finished, Kripke has calmed my Season 3 fears, and all is well in my happy little world. Perfect time to update, wouldn't you say?

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All he ever wanted was his brother. Sam was making it awfully hard on him, though, blathering on about his supposedly murderous destiny.

Dean tried to comfort him, to prove him wrong. If the younger man thought he was meant to kill, he might do the unthinkable. He might make Dean stop him. That just wasn't an option.

So Dean called a do-over, pointed out that he's almost died and swept the issue under the rug. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	28. No Exit

This is the chapter where we find out that I'm anti-Jo :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He couldn't tolerate Sam's little blonde replacement, hated her for trying to come between him and his brother.

He almost didn't go to save her. The ghost was a serial killer, Sam's wrist was broken, the sewage piped were narrow, and she's pushed Sam away from hi,. Maybe she deserved to die. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	29. The Usual Suspects

All he ever wanted was his brother. By his side. Through thick and thin. 25-to-life.

If he was going down, he was taking Sam with him, because he wasn't going alone. Hence the matchbook. Hence sending the cop after him. Hence being set free together, running together, fighting the law together, becoming America's Most Wanted together. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	30. Crossroad Blues

One of my favorite episodes, and, oddly enough, one of the harder drabbles to write. Hope you enjoy it :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. Sam. Not Evan Hudson. Not even John. Sam. It had to be Sam.

Maybe, when Sammy finally wised up, Dean would go back to Lloyd's and summon the demon. She could probably bend human will, and then Sam would finally be his. Dean would have everything, Sam would never leave him, and it would only cost his soul. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	31. Croatoan

I'd like to, once again, thank everyone who's reviewing these drabbles. It really means a lot to me :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All Sam wanted were answers.

"What's happening to me?"

"Why won't you leave?"

"Why won't you kill me?"

"What were you going to tell me back there?"

Dean decided to tell him, tell him everything. He was tired of the burden, tired of the stress, tired of the constant struggle. So he decided to share, to make Sam help him, just once. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	32. Hunted

Sorry it's taken so long to get this up, but my internet's been down since forever!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All he ever got was an empty motel room.

Sam found another psychic, Gordon almost killed the brothers, and the girl wound up missing. As they drove away from Ava's house, Dean pointed that out. Sharing was bad. It was better to have some secrets, better to keep things hidden.

Besides, if he hadn't run, Sam never would have met Ava, and she wouldn't have become The Demon's target.

And Sam got quiet. He felt guilty. He would never leave again, not if it endangered so many people. Of course, that was what Dean was hoping for. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	33. Playthings

Time for the drabble about the episode that confirmed my suspicions that Sam isn't even fun when he's drunk. He's just more emo and depressing than usual :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. All Sam seemed to want was a murder-suicide.

That's what it would be, if worse came to worse. But Dean wouldn't let it get that far. He'd promise to kill his brother, but in his heart he knew he couldn't do it. As long as he said hr would keep his promise, though, Sam would stick around. Sam would hold him to it, even if Dean was lying. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	34. Nightshifter

Sorry it's taken so long to update. School shopping takes a lot out of a girl, you know?

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All he ever wanted was his brother. They were in it together now. They were in it deep.

Sam was right there with him in the bank. Henrickson knew about him. They were in the same boat, bound by blood, tragedy, and a rap sheet that was nine miles long. And Dean wouldn't have it any other way. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	35. Houses of the Holy

I'm really surprised people are still reading these. Well, I'm gonna try my hardest to finish up with season 2 before season 3 starts :)

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He believed in family and the bond they shared. Sam wanted to believe in something more, though.

Dean had something to say about that. Angels don't watch over Winchesters. He had proof. Sam refused to listen, though, so Dean kept pushing. He wouldn't stop, not until Sammy had faith in his family. Not until he had put all his faith in big brother. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	36. Born Under a Bad Sign

This was the only episode that could ever make me think of becoming a Sam girl. Evil Sam just rocks!

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He couldn't have Sam, though. Dean was worthless.

Sam might not have remembered telling him that, but Dean made a point of reminding him. He also started favoring his left side. He wanted an apology, wanted to hear that he was worth something in his brother's eyes, and would keep pushing until he got it, no matter how painful it was for Sam. It was because if this that he knew he was selfish.


	37. Tall Tales

Funny story about this episode. My dad was watching it with me and had just stated that he hated it when Dean turned around looking like a chipmunk. To my total surprise, my father burst out laughing and had trouble stopping. Ahh... family bonding...

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All he ever wanted was his brother. He didn't need to know how his brother saw him.

He fought with Sam at every turn, watching the younger man get mad. By the end of the hunt, though, Sammy was more guilty than angry. Dean could live with that. If Sam felt guilty, he would stick around a little longer and try to make up. He would try to make it better, and Dean would make it hard. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	38. Roadkill

Everybody sing with me! There is a house in New Orleans they call the Rising Sun!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He didn't need ghosties and ghoulies and things that went bump in the night. He hated those things.

Sam was, technically, one of those things.

Sam couldn't think that Dean hated him, though. That would be bad. That would give him an excuse to run away and never return.

So Dean put up with Molly, even if every fiber of his being told him to shoot her. He was going to prove that he could accept ghosties and ghoulies and things that went bump in the night, as long as it meant that he got to keep Sam. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	39. Heart

Finally, I'm catching up with the reruns!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Sam wanted him to commit murder, had made him _promise_ to commit murder. 

Dean hated that Sam kept such a tight grip on the gun, hated the conviction in his voice as he asserted that he had to do it himself because _she asked_.

He kept his murderous promise, and he'd expect Dean to stick to _his_, too. There was no way out for the older man. Sam would be quick to cite this as an example, to say that he had been able to do it, so Dean should, too.

That single tear had nothing to do with Sam killing his lover. Dean saw the end. The end of lying and avoidance and family. He didn't comfort his brother. He let Sam stew in his grief, wash the blood off his hands, live with himself. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	40. Hollywood Babylon

All right! I caught up the the reruns! Now I only have to surpass them and wait until October. Yay!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. All Sam thought he wanted as a job, a hunt, something to kill.

Most of the time, Dean was fine with that, Sometimes, though, the hunt wasn't enough. Sometimes he just wanted to have a little fun.

He indulged his geek side, his own special brand of knowledge. He enjoyed himself, had fun for once, and didn't really care what Sammy thought about it. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	41. Folsom Prison Blues

This was one of my fave drabbles to write, mainly becuase the idea hit me so suddenly after watching the episode. The fact that Sam has to go deep under cover now relaly intrigued me. You'll see why :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. By his side. Whether Sam wanted to be or not.

They were in it deep, deeper than ever before. They had to disappear, to go deep undercover. They had to hide together.

And Sam, being a convicted felon and prison escapee, wouldn't be able to surface for a while. Stanford wouldn't want him back. He was stuck. He was stuck, and Dean couldn't have been happier. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	42. What Is And What Should Never Be

This is only my favorite episode ever, so I hope I did it justice...

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. And his mom. Jess. A home. Peace for his father. Someone he loved, who loved him back.

But he could never keep it. Not all of it. Just Sam.

Dean told his brother about everything. He hinted about how he'd pulled himself out. He hinted at the reasoning behind it.

All those people… their lives for his happiness… it got thrown out of the equation when he'd discovered that it was all a dream. He'd pulled himself out for Sam.

He needed Sam. _His_ Sam. Not that happy, preppy imposter. So he pulled himself out and he told Sam all about it. Sam would feel guilty, as always. Sam would stay. Dean would finally get what he wanted. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	43. All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 1

Folsom Prison Blues isn't gonna be on here tomorrow night. It's gonna be preseason football. AND school just started. I need my fix!!!!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Little psychic Sammy.

Late nights spent comforting his brother after nightmares, soothing circles rubbed on the younger man's back after visions… suddenly, it didn't seem so bad, not compared to the pain the vision had caused. No, Dean was perfectly happy to be the 'normal' brother. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	44. All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 2

The end of the season! Finally, I can take a break from updating, at least until the fifth. hopefully, i can get a new poem AND a new Selfish drabble written in one of my two study halls every Friday after the new season starts.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. For that to work, Sammy had to be alive.

It was worth it. Sam's life for his soul, it was no contest. He needed his brother. He needed Sam to stay.

That was why he told his brother about the deal. He knew that Sam would feel responsible. He knew that Sam would try to save him. He knew that Sam would have to stay in order to do that. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	45. The Magnificent Seven

And so it begins again. Did you guys miss me?

First off, I have to say that there may be some spoilers in these drabbles. Second... OMG I can't believe Sam! He made this so freakin easy to write!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. The brother he'd thought wanted him to be happy and to savor his final year amongst the living.

It had all been an act, all been a ruse to hide Sam's true feelings of resentment. How could Dean do this? How could he make a deal to save Sam that could still result in little brother's untimely death?

It was simple, really. Sam had told him, said it right to his face, spoken the word that Dean had always associated with himself, ever since his mother's death all those years before. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.

* * *

That's right. Sammy called the Deanster selfish... sooo perfect... 

So, what do you think? Have I lost my touch, or is it ok?


	46. The Kids Are Alright

Another one that practically wrote itself. Thanks, Kripke!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. The brother he'd raised. The brother that was like a son to him. The son he'd never had. The son he'd always secretly wanted. The son that had almost been his.

He knew it was wrong, but he'd wished desperately to find that Ben was his own, something done right in his messed-up excuse for a life. He was a good kid, a kid that any man would be proud to call his own. At the same time, Dean knew it was an awful thing to want.

What was he supposed to say to the boy? "Hey, Ben, I'm your daddy, but I kinda sold my soul and only have one year left to live, so if you wanna play catch, we're gonna have to do it now." It wasn't right.

That didn't change the fact that he wanted to stay, though. He'd wanted that warmth and safety that rolled off the happy family, wanted to belong. He'd wanted them to love him, to get attached, to lose him, to mourn. Secretly, he'd wanted to ruin their lives. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	47. Bad Day At Black Rock

Sorry it took a while to post this. We were camping and I couldn't get to a computer. But, I'm here now and relaly excited about this episode. My mom and I have been walking around since Thursday saying "I lost my shoe" constantly. People are confused.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother, the jinx.

Dean had never seen Sammy like that, so tormented, so helpless. Normally, the older man was the one with the bad luck. He was the one who got shot, got knocked out, made a fool of himself in front of complete strangers.

As much as his brother was hurting, Dean couldn't help but enjoy his little vacation from being the one who got into trouble, the butt of every joke.

He enjoyed his newfound luck even more, though. Knowing that he was invincible, that he couldn't go wrong. He didn't want it to end. He only had one year, so why not spend it with everything going his way? It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	48. Sin City

Sorry for the slight delay again. Hectic weekend :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He just wasn't entirely sure that Sam was still Sam.

He knew that demons were supposed to lie, but they'd never lied to him. The Yellow-eyed demon, or Azazel, or whatever the hell its name was, had sown the seeds of doubt, and it was eating Dean up inside. He couldn't do it any more. He couldn't keep that horrible secret.

And he couldn't tell Sam.

So he told Bobby.

He'd needed to get it out in the open, needed to share his burden, needed someone to tell him that it was all right. Never mind the fact that Bobby wasn't convincing in his assurances that Sam was fine. Bobby was worried now so Dean wouldn't have to be. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	49. Bedtime Stories

I'm telling you... these things are freakin writing themselves this year!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. That want had turned him into a hypocrite.

When you love somebody, you're supposed to let them go. Dean had decided back in South Dakota that that particular notion could go screw itself. He had to save Sam. What the hell else was family for?

Hell. He was going to Hell at the end of the year, and Sam knew it. But Sam just couldn't let him go, couldn't let him rest, couldn't let him suffer alone. And deep down, deeper than he ever liked to go, he was glad. After all, what else was family- _real_ family, family that cared and put Dean first for once in his life- for? It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	50. Red Sky At Morning

I'll admit it. These drabbles have been pretty easy up until this point. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. It kinda does in my head... at least, it did at ten o'clock last night :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother, and to do his job.

Saving people and hunting things was the family business. It was what he did, and he did it well.

Usually.

Sometimes he messed up. Sometimes people died. He tried to save them, though, tried his hardest. He had to help as many people as he could before his year was up.

Some people, however, weren't worth saving. Some people were weak and desperate and sloppy and needy and damaged. Some people deserved to die. Some people were failures. No matter what anyone else said. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	51. Fresh Blood

For the first time since the beginning of the season, I wrote the drabble after I finished the poem. It was kinda weird. I also learned that the poem takes half an hour, as opposed to the six minute drabble. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I write a poetic summary of each episode and post them up here. You should check them out :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother had looked up to him, worshipped him, idolized him. That was before Sam had figured out that they weren't normal, that _Dean_ wasn't normal.

He hadn't realized that Sammy had fallen back into the old habit. To be honest, it was good to know. It made him feel special, like he had a purpose. He was tired of being scared and desperate, and he latched onto that special feeling.

He taught Sam about the car. It was the first time in a long time that he'd taught his brother anything. It made him feel like he was worth something. Never mind that hurt look in Sammy's eyes when he talked about the future. Dean felt really, truly good for the first time since selling his soul. So what if Sam got a little upset? It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	52. A Very Supernatural Christmas

Seems like it's been forever since the last episode, doesn't it? I've got to say, this was the best Christmas Special I've ever seen. I loved the holiday title card; it actually kinda reminded me of Psych's Christmas episode, where the opening credits adn theme song were all Christmas-y!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He had known it was wrong to tell Sam the truth- about monsters, about Santa- but he did it anyway. He just wanted to have someone to talk to about the important stuff. He was tired of bearing his father's burden alone.

He tried to make it better. He knew that Sam appreciated the effort, and that was enough for Dean. Besides, he'd gotten what he really wanted, even in the absence of actual gifts or his father. He didn't have to keep dad's secret anymore. He didn't have to lie.

Roughly sixteen years later, he wanted something else. He wanted the old days, just one last time. He played the death card again, something he was getting quite good at, and his wish was granted. No matter how much he was ignored and shunned and belittled through the year, somehow, Dean always managed to get what he wanted for Christmas. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	53. Malleus Maleficarum

Feels good to get back in the swing of things. Too bad it won't last, huh?

I'll be honest. This one was giving me trouble until I actually started to write it. Then it just flowed. Please enjoy!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. When Sam had first started having visions instead of the usual nightmares, Dean had been there for him. He'd rounded the bed, knelt on the floor, and placed comforting hands on his brother's shoulders.

He'd stayed there, like that, until it was over.

When his own insides were on fire, when he doubled over from the pain in a perfect imitation of his brother, Sam was there. Sammy rounded the bed, knelt on the floor, even placed comforting hands on Dean's shoulder.

As Dean reached weakly toward him, Sam pulled away.

As Dean started coughing, bringing up blood, Sam left the room.

He could understand the reasoning, but it still hurt. He wanted comfort in his last moments. He wanted companionship. He wanted Sam to be there, even if it meant dying in his little brother's arms, putting Sammy through the same torture that had led Dean to sell his soul.

He didn't want to be alone anymore.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	54. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

I'm gonna be honest. This one was hard, and I'm not entirely sure that it's exactly right, you know? Like, maybe what I was going for in a sense, but... you be the judge...

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. For as long as he could remember, it had always come down to him and Sam, and a choice had to be made.

It was always Sam.

Sam was the one his obsessed bastard of a father doted upon and loved, the one Dean had been told to take care of. And he'd done it. He'd taken care of Sammy, saved Sammy, _sold his soul_ for Sammy.

It wasn't that he regretted the deal. If given the chance, he'd kiss that black-eyed bitch without hesitation. It was just that he'd finally realized his lie. He'd thought he was living, but he wasn't. He was only existing.

He wanted to live, dammit, starting now. He wanted a life. _His _life. Even if it came at the expense of Sam's. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	55. Mystery Spot

Seeing as how Dean was... incapacitated... for most of the episode last night, I thought I'd do something a little different for this chapter. Tell me what you think.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He hated the fact that he had made Sam look that way, so tired and hopeless and determined. He hated what he had made Sam live through, his own stupidity causing his own death thousands of times before they could finally catch the trickster.

But that was all behind them because it was Wednesday and Sam was happy. Those tired lines still creased his eyes, which had aged somehow overnight, but it was over.

He closed the trunk lid and spun around, looking for Sam.

The person he saw was not Sam. The person he saw was holding a gun and demanding money. The person he saw fired the gun, Dean felt the bullet pierce his heart, and then he felt nothing. He was dead before he hit the ground.

o0o0o0o0o0o

All he ever wanted was his brother. But Dean wasn't there. Dean was dead. Dead because Sam had decided to piss off a trickster. Dead because he was supposed to die. Just not yet. Not now.

He had left a hole. He'd left a hole in Sam's heart when he had died, a hole that only Dean could fill. But Dean was dead.

So Sam filled it.

He gazed into the mirror at the tired eyes, the hardened features, the popped collar, and he saw Dean. He looked into the mirror and saw his brother looking back.

But he could never be Dean.

With Dean, the eyes had it. With this new Dean, the one that Sam had become, the eyes were empty. They were filled with a sense of determination, an anger, an edge that Dean had never had. Dean had had a softness to his eyes, like they were a window through which his doomed soul could be seen by the world. Sam's Dean, a weak imitation, had none of that softness. There was only rage.

Still, he looked in the mirror. He was a sad replacement for his brother, and he knew that, but someone had to step up to the plate. Someone had to fill that hole in his heart. He filled it with lies and hunting, hunting and lies.

And he caught the trickster. The Dean in him, the Dean he had become snarked and threatened and raged, and Sam knew that he wasn't right, wasn't Dean, because Dean had had a softness to him. He didn't care. He just wanted the real deal back, and if his Dean had to get his hands dirty, then so be it.

But the trickster refused, and his Dean went away. His Dean was replaced by Sam, the Sam that he had been so long ago, before death and deals and more death. Sam wanted his brother. Sam still had holes.

Sam wasn't like Dean. Sam begged. The trickster's eyes sparkled as his Dean was pushed farther away, leaving a gaping emptiness in Sam's heart and Sam cried out for an end and there was a snap and-

And Dean. Dean. The real Dean. Not his Dean, not his weak impersonation, but _Dean_. And he hugged _Dean_ and Dean was real. And Sam was whole.

But those holes in his heart would be back in only a matter of months, and Sam knew what he had to do. He knew that Dean wanted Sam, his Sam, the Sam that he'd raised. But Dean wasn't getting Sam. Dean was going to get Dean because Sam had almost perfected it, had almost filled the holes. Dean was going to get Dean because it was the only way that Sam could deal. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	56. Jus In Bello

What can I say? I thought this one was gonna be hard, but once I started it just kinda flowed.

Anyway, seeing as how I won't be updating this again until late April (stupid CW...) I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and reviewing and being so awesome! Enjoy!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. More than anything, he wanted Sam to live a safe and happy life, a life where he didn't have to make crucial decisions.

To kill or not to kill.

In the end, Dean had triumphed. He had changed Sam's mind, reached out to his brother to pull him back, back from the abyss of war and into the humanity that had been so hard to find lately.

He had a choice to make and he made it. He chose the life of one over the life of the many. He made his choice, he made his brother agree, and he was happy.

Sam was human. For a little longer, at least. And that was all Dean really wanted. His brother. His Sam. Kind, caring, compassionate. The farthest thing from a war monger.

In the end, everyone died. Everyone but himself, Sam, and the black-eyed bitch that had nearly turned his brother into something that Sam was not. But Dean had pulled him back, and he was safe, and the lives lost didn't matter. Because Sam was still Sam, even if he had started acting a bit like Dean, a warped image of his brother when times got tough. Deep down, he was still Sam, and that was all that mattered to Dean. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	57. Ghostfacers

I'll be honest with you, I'm a spoiler slut. I had the idea for this one for about a week before the episode premiered. Yeah, I cheated. Whatcha gonna do about it? :P

In other news... New Supernatural!! Yes!!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother, and to do something amazing, something spectacular, something that people would look back on, thousands of years after his death, and respect. Something that would awe them. Something _big_.

The Morton House was big. It was big and it was bad. The biggest and baddest that there ever was. He wanted that to be his something, to be his mark left on the world. He wanted to hunt in that house. And Sam respected his wishes.

So they went to the house, and they dealt with the riff-raff. It was almost fun at first, if not a little annoying. And then the leap year day rolled around and everything went downhill faster than Dean could have ever imagined.

All he ever wanted was gone. He was gone because of Dean, because of his want of fame, of something everlasting. Sam was gone, was going to die, all because of Dean. And with only two months left. That was all that he could think about, those final two months, his last stretch of life. He didn't want to be alone. That was his whole reason for leaving in the first place. It fueled his search for his brother, made him frantic, made him scared. He needed those two months. He needed them for himself, and himself alone. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	58. Long Distance Call

A little warning: I've kind of inserted my own theory about John's motives at the end of IMTOD into this chapter. If you don't agree with me, that's fine. I respect that. Some people think John's a great guy. I'm just not on of them.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. That was it. Just Sam. The brother he'd sold his soul for. The brother he'd promised his father he would kill if it ever came to that.

He'd had time to think since his father's death, and it was awfully convenient, wasn't it? Dad died for Dean, and in the mean time, passed off the greatest burden that his son could ever imagine on to him. He went to Hell, he got to be the hero for saving his son, and as an added bonus he didn't have to stick around and plant a bullet in his favorite boy.

Because even when they were fighting, it was more concern than John had ever shown Dean. Until the call.

His father wanted to save him- _him_. Actually _save_ him, without backing out of killing Sam, without any hidden agenda that would later be discovered when Dean's temper had cooled and his mind had time to process. His father thought he was worth saving, worth his time, worth the effort it took to place such a long-distance call.

It wasn't Dad. Sam was right. Why would Dad want to save Dean? After all, saving Dean from the pit would mean an eternity of having to put up with his whiny, needy ass. No, there was no way that it could be Dad, that it could be real. In his heart, he knew it. In his mind, yellow eyes glared from his dead father's face, the familiar mouth twisting into a smirk, acid words biting deep as something inside of him burst and something _physically_ inside of him burst and he bled and he cried and he died.

He believed anyway. He hoped. He wished. He prayed. He waited for the call, staring at the phone like a hormonal teenager after placing that first nervous call to his crush. _What if he calls back? What do I say?_ He said _Hello._ It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	59. Time Is On My Side

I can explain the tardiness, I swear. I'm a senior in high school, and my graduation is this Sunday. Since Thursday, I've had to edit a movie for creative writing class, write a speech for a forensics awards banquet, present said speech, study for finals, take said finals, fail said finals while still passing classes, plan a graduation party, practice for graduation. Tonight I have another awards thing to attend, tomorrow I register for my classes next year, and on friday i have parties, a date, and then more parties and actual graduation on the weekend. I feel like my head's gona exploe.

That being said, here's the (belated) drabble!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. And all Sam wanted was to save him. That was understandable. It was, after all, the same thing Dean was trying to do.

He was starting to wonder when they were going to learn that splitting up was always a bad idea. He hadn't been able to blow Bela's brains out, hadn't been able to get his hands on the Colt.

But he _had_ been able to save his brother.

And, boy, had Sam ever needed saving. Dean knew that if it hadn't been for his stupid deal, his stupid want to get to Bela and try to get the Colt back, Sam never would have been in any danger. Dean would have been there to back him up. Instead, he'd walked right into an impromptu surgery that had made his skin crawl. Hell, his eyes hurt just thinking about it.

And they still needed to kiss and make up, hadn't entirely gotten over the last fight they'd had. Things had been strained and silent, and Dean wanted to make it all right. He only knew one way how. His time was running out, and he was scared, so he would do what he always did. He would cover. He would laugh. He'd get his game face on.

He walked into the room, dropping the plastic bag down onto the kitchen table with a loud thunk. Sam turned to see what he had. Smiling, Dean pulled his two purchases from the bag, watching Sam go green with sickening memories and annoyance. And then the younger man smiled.

Dean had less than three weeks left now, but he'd made his peace over their last duel, and he felt good about that. He was leaving his brother in less than a month, but at least he wasn't leaving Sam mad. At least he wouldn't have _that_ on his conscience for all of eternity. He grinned. "So, what'll it be, Sammy?" he asked, opening the box of fast-melting ice cream and dipping the large scooper in. "One scoop, or two?" It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	60. No Rest For The Wicked

Sorry for the delay (again), but graduation was Sunday, and I had parties to go to, and a date, and then I just needed to crach for a while. Hard to believe it's the end of the season, though, isn't it? Hope you enjoyed the Selfish drabbles this year. I thought I'd post up something I found while reading essays on Frankenstein for my English class this year. I read this se ntence and thought that it applied really well to this series of drabbles. Here you go:

"Requite affection with scorn;- let one being be selected, for whatever cause, as the refuse of his kind- divide him, a social being, from society, and you impose upon him the irresistible obligations- malevolence and selfishness."

Percy Bysshe Shelley, _On Frankenstein_

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Not this. Never this. A tearful good-bye was not in his plans, shouldn't have happened. There should have been some loophole, some quick fix, that didn't involve making a monster of a man.

That bitch. Those bitches. They'd both been played, strung along, led to believe things that weren't true. Now he had to face his destiny, what he was bound to become. There would be no more roadside sing-a-longs, no more run-down rooms and backwoods diners. Just an eternity of waiting, of what-ifs, of wonder. An eternity of torture, and pain, and helplessness. An eternity of being alone.

Forever is a long time. He could see that now. And he could feel it, burning through his veins. Destiny. Demons. Evil. Hell. Forever. No escape. Not unless he made one. And he would. He would because he could feel it, coursing through his veins, strengthening him as the final shards of his family, his life, his _humanity_ slipped away.

He felt it slipping, and he welcomed it. Because he didn't want this. Not for himself, not for his brother. He knew what he had to do, knew that embracing it was the only way to save them both. It flowed from him, triggered by those damned hounds, by those damned dirty bitches, and he welcomed it. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, sending destiny pumping through his body. He felt stronger than he should have considering his condition, the rusting chains that bound him to what was left of himself. But he could save them both. He knew it. Smiling through his tears, Sam closed his brother's wide, accusing eyes. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	61. Lazarus Rising

Oh, boy. Another season, another 22 drabbles (unless it's last year). Hope you guys are looking forward to it as much as I am. Not sure if this one lives up to some of the others, but I like the way it ends, and it's late and I'm still squeeing, so wheeee! It's drabble time!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. But this… this wasn't Sam. This was… hell, Dean wasn't sure what this was. This was someone who slept around and jumped him with silver and plugged a friggin' iPod into his baby. This guy had a swagger and a look. He almost reminded Dean of himself, except for that glimmer in his eyes, sharp and golden, murky and black.

Dean tried to ignore that. He tried to ignore the nervous hole in the pit of his stomach, the empty bottles on Bobby's desks, the new secretive glint in Sammy's eyes.

He was back. He was back and he had Sam and Bobby and his car. And something that claimed to have been sent from a higher power and said it had a job for him. But Sam didn't need to know about that. He didn't need to know about the screams Dean heard, the way his heart sped up when he looked in the mirror. He was back, and Sam was fine, and it was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean

Sorry this is late. Thursday was busy, as were Friday and Saturday. I got it done and posted, though, so at least it's up, right?

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Just him and Sam. Together. Saving people and hunting things. The family business.

He'd never questioned before the people that they _couldn't_ save, as few and far between as they were. He felt bad about it, sure, and he knew that Sam did, too. They had been humans, had had lives, and it always felt as if Dean had failed them. But this…

This was too much. Meg and Ronald and Henricksen. They'd known, in the end, all of them, what Sam and Dean did. The _good _that they did. So why attack? Why _witness_? Why make Dean question if everything he did really was for the greater good, especially now, with that blue-eyed angel on his shoulder? And did all of the people he'd failed to save really matter in the end, when he actually _had_ saved the most precious of them all, had given his own soul as payment? It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	63. In The Beginning

First off, let me explain why this is so long: it started out as the ending to another story I wrote today called "Wings of Dark Foreboding." At the end of the passage, though, I really felt like tacking on the phrase "it was because of this that he knew he was selfish," and, well, decided that this would be better suited here than in a story all about Mary. Yeah. That's my little explanation. You can read now :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother, and maybe his family. A mom and a dad. Maybe a grandma and a grandpa, too.

But Dean destroyed everything that he touched. Everything good and wholesome and worth anything in his life. He was a monster.

The angel said that all roads lead to the same destination. It had let him hope, just for a few hours, that he could save them, save all of them, prevent it all from happening. That maybe he could stop his parent's deaths, could save his brother from becoming whatever everyone seemed to think he was meant to be. Hell, maybe even Dean could stand a fighting chance.

He knew it was wrong, and he knew that was why it didn't work. He knew it was why, when his time came again, he was going straight back to Hell, whether he had an angel at his side or not.

He knew that was why it didn't matter if he listened to his father or his Father. It didn't matter if he killed Sam, or if he hid him, took him so far away that whatever Heavenly SWAT Team was gunning for him could never find him.

Destiny couldn't be avoided, and Dean had done his homework for once in his life. He'd read the Bible, starting at the end and working back up. The Apocalypse was coming. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	64. Metamorphosis

I'm posting early. I was motivated. Please enjoy :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother, who could see the future. His brother, who could move furniture with a thought. His brother, who could cause a nausea in demons so strong that they were forced right out of their hosts.

Had his dying wish meant nothing? Could Sam not see where that road was headed, what it was paved with? Was he that blind? Dean liked to hope not.

So when Sam swore to stop, he was relieved. He could hear the lie in the younger man's voice- years of living together on the road had taught him to find it- but he was still relieved. He let it go. Maybe Sammy had been right in the first place. Maybe he was fine. He _was_ Sam, after all. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	65. Monster Movie

Will not let stupid opinions and sex talk influence drabble... Will not let stupid opinions and sex talk influence drabble... Will not let stupid opinions and sex talk influence drabble... Will not let stupid opinions and sex talk influence drabble...

Oh, screw it! I tried. Interpret as you will (and not as I obviously did).

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. And maybe some action. Because, really, who wants to be a thirty-year-old virgin?

And so, with three monsters and a bar wench rolled into one on the loose, Dean left his brother with a bunch of props and sniffed out his own prospects. Because he _definitely_ wasn't dying a virgin. He didn't even think about the handprint on his shoulder until he'd mentioned God. That had been a mood killer. And a major distraction. And the reason he hadn't actually slept with her.

But, hey, there were always other towns, and one of them was bound to house a girl or two with a handprint kink, right? To Hell with purity and chastity and second chances. To Hell with whatever his newly scar-free body might _really_ mean. It was because of this that the knew he was selfish.


	66. Yellow Fever

This? Not so hard. Thank you, Show, for making my self-appointed job so much easier this week.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. And that thing- the one with the yellow eyes, the one that claimed not to be possessed- wasn't him.

But even with Lilith bearing down on him in that sweet-little-girl guise, even with The Bible clutched close to his heart in a vain attempt at protection from what obviously wasn't real, that was what he saw. _Sam_.

If he couldn't stop it, _they_ would, and he wondered vaguely why they weren't coming to save him. Wasn't he important? Didn't they _need_ him? And then that image swam before his eyes and his chest ached and he _knew_. He'd failed. Sam was a monster. They would kill him. They would kill his little brother.

And then it was over.

It was the sickness, plain and simple. The sickness had addled his mind and made him see things. The Bible hadn't worked because the demon had been a hallucination. The angel hadn't come to save him because Sam had done it. And that flash of yellow right there? Lingering bacteria in his system and celebratory beer. Nasty combination, that. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	67. It's The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester

This episode was too awesome for words. I missed my pervy angel! And my boys! And I got another bit of support for my "Dean is Jesus" meta! Yay!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. But apparently his brother lied. A lot. Dean wasn't sure how he felt about that.

That was twice Sam had used his abilities, even after Dean had told him not to. Once before his death, and once after he'd risen. Sammy was going against Dean and the angels, and the older man hated to think what would happen if they were denied a third time.

So he didn't. He didn't think about it. He didn't mention it. He worried about himself for once in his life, and tried to get his own shit in order. He trusted his brother. He _needed_ to trust his brother. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	68. Wishful Thinking

There are not enough awesome words in the English language to describe Teddy Bear suicide, y'all. My roomie and I were on the floor cackling. That takes effort.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Truth be told, if it was a sure thing- not a curse- that's what he'd wish for. Sam.

Back when they'd been kids, he would have wished for his own happiness. But he was older now. He would wish for Sam. Maybe not for the normalcy that he'd hinted at, but for something close. A loss of those powers, maybe. Without the powers, there would be no need to "stop him." Without the powers, there would be no fear of losing Sammy forever. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	69. I Know What You Did Last Summer

Still not sure how I feel about Sam/Ruby. But they did it in a way that made it work, so kudos to Show.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

Sammy didn't screw demons. Best to get that out of the way first.

The Sammy that Dean knew- the one hat he had _raised_- just didn't do that. He wasn't impulsive or horny or _stupid_ like that. He was _Sammy_.

He had changed. He'd hidden things and he'd screwed a demon. He'd used his powers. He was impulsive and horny and stupid. He wasn't Sammy anymore.

Dean missed his brother. He just couldn't let the man that looked like Sam know that. He had no idea what this imposter was capable of. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	70. Heaven and Hell

So, am I watching Supernatural with my slash-goggles firmly in place, or is Kripke actually doing what I think he's doing here? Because me likey :)

In other news, this was a hard one to write. I dunno why, but it took me a while. Hope it's up to par.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. To be a brother.

Being a brother meant being strong, being a hero. It meant being perfect. Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before school, saving up a little extra money to buy some kickass birthday presents, never crying. Only babies cried.

Dean was the big brother in the equation. He had to look out for Sammy. But sometimes, he wanted to cry. Sometimes, he wanted to scream. Sometimes, he wanted to admit to the horrible things that he'd done, both during his life and after it, just to see if his brother was really his brother. To see if Sammy would still love him.

It was a stupid test. Anna seemed to think Sam would pass. Cas seemed to think Dean was deserving of forgiveness. So why not give it a shot? Why not dump his problems on the strong shoulders of someone who was already holding the weight of the world? After all, the fire and brimstone and flayed skin from his black-eyed corpse couldn't weigh too much, could they? It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	71. Family Remains

I'm surprised I even remember how to do this. It seems like forver since I've had to. Gave it a try, though.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He just wished he could take it back. Take it back and make things like they used to be so he could stop running, stop trying to prove himself.

He couldn't help but think of Sam. Sammy, sitting drunk in a chair, looking at him with those wide eyes, fighting desperately to save the occupants of some fancy hotel because he actually believed that the more people he saved, the better his chances of not going dark side.

Dean had gone dark side. He knew there was no coming back. He tried. He almost had it. But he could never really get there. Not until Sam knew everything, knew every little horror. The more people Dean saved didn't matter. He was what he was. He was a monster made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	72. Criss Angel is a Douche Bag

Wow. There was just so much in this episode, it's hard to pin down why it was good and why Dean was selfish.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Honestly, it didn't matter to him how it ended as long as they were together. Sad and slow or fast and bloody, as long as Sam was there with him, the Brothers Winchester, forever.

He'd thought that Sam understood, had thought that Sam got that, especially after the Hell-thing. But Sam had started talking crazy, talking about snakes, and damn it all, Dean's mind had automatically gone to Lucifer at that. Lucifer and Lilith. Apparently, they were interchangeable in that role, depending on who you were asking.

And it made him nervous. Because he didn't want to be Jay. He didn't want Sam to be Jay. He wanted them to be SamnDean, forever and ever, amen. So he didn't question when Sam went for a walk. Questions would lead to fighting, and fighting would lead to separation, and he wasn't losing his brother again. He wasn't going to die alone, sad _or_ bloody. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	73. After School Special

So, I thought I'd highlight Teen!Dean this week. Hope you like it :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. No, really. That was it.

He didn't want girls or sex or to be left to his own devices. He didn't want to always be the hero. Or the loser. The sad little boy hiding behind a bad boy exterior. Just Sam.

And as the Impala pulled away from Truman High and his father told him where they were headed next, Dean realized that. Realized it with a force he never had before. If it weren't for Sam, weren't for his brother keeping him grounded and sane and soft, he'd be lost.

So when Sam started talking about his English teacher and his essay and college and taking a break from hunting, Dean shot him down. Dean told him not to get his hopes up, because college was the one place they couldn't be together. College meant losing Sam, losing himself. So they drove and he joked and Sam got this _look_ on his face, and Dean knew that he'd chased away his brother's wants and dreams. Because only one of them could ever truly have everything. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	74. Sex and Violence

Another one that practically wrote itself. This is probably my favorite drabble this season :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Just the two of them. Together forever.

It was everything he wanted. Everything he dreamed. Someone who looked up to him. Someone that trusted him. Someone he could trust. Someone who wouldn't lie or sleep around with monsters or hide things from him. Someone he could love, that would love him back.

His brother. Nick.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	75. Death Takes a Holiday

That was thew longest hiatus EVER! I think Cas should smite it with his lightning. And then start writing these for me, because I feel so off my game right now!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

His brother didn't lie to him. So this wasn't Sam, right? Couldn't be. It was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Someone secretive and dark and angry and _not Sam_.

Dean just wanted his brother back. Wanted the trust and admiration that he'd once had. More than anything, he wanted to know what this imposter was hiding from him. He had an idea, but no details. And he was going to call Sam on it, was finally going to bring it all out in the open. He was going to make his brother talk, even if he had to guilt the younger man into doing it.

That's what Sam had done with him, after all.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	76. On The Head of a Pin

So that was an awesome episode. I'm just sorry it took so long to post. i've been doing hoemwork for the past week straight and didn't get a chance to write until Sunday. the worst part is, last week was my spring break.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

But this? This, demonic, power-hungry thing that stood so tall above his own prone form? This wasn't his brother. It actually reminded him of something else he'd seen lately. Something he'd neglected to take care of, a stain he hadn't had the heart to mop up for love of… well, love of love, he supposed.

It didn't make sense. None of it made sense, but the thing was walking and talking and powerful. Wearing his brother's face. He wanted it gone, wanted it to stop talking with that mouth, that snide tone. He wanted his brother. He _missed_ his brother.

He tried to fight, but his heart wasn't in it. Couldn't hurt his brother. Had always known that. He would need someone else to save him. Always needed someone else to save him. Dean and Sam and Anna coming to his pathetic rescue.

Castiel couldn't pull the proverbial trigger. On Sam or on his brother. Perhaps when Lucifer rose - _if_ Lucifer rose - he would find his courage. But he doubted that. Doubted it simply because he doubted. Because he needed others to save him, because he knew what was bound to come, and knew he couldn't do it if Dean failed. Couldn't kill Sam as he'd once threatened.

If he did, Dean might turn his back, might lose what little faith he had started to gain. Uriel lay dead at his feet, and he made a choice. No more death. For Dean. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	77. It's a Terrible Life

I'm on time this week! Yay! \o/

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Which was strange, seeing as how he didn't have one.

That kid Sam, the one from tech support, had mentioned brothers. _Being_ like brothers. Dean had never had a brother before, and there was just something about that kid…

But a life on the road? No health insurance? No home? No nothing? Too much. He'd rather stay right where he was, thank you very much. Stay right where it was safe, where had a big fat bonus waiting for him, and maybe even a promotion, too.

Still, he couldn't help but think that maybe Sam had a point. He wanted to go with the kid. He wanted to give Sam what he wanted. Wanted to give him more. Some deeply ingrained part of him just wanted to please the wide-eyed little nerd.

It was the same deeply ingrained part of him that was telling him to stay, to be normal and safe. To have a family and friends and a job. A boss that actually liked his work. It was the part of him that made him think that bad things would happen if he went with Sam. Bad things would happen to the both of them.

He couldn't very well leave the kid alone in that, now, could he? Besides, he wanted to help Sam, to stay with Sam, to have a brother. Maybe he could persuade the younger man to be everything that he was giving up. A friend, family. Happy, safe. Maybe he could change Sam, make him into that nice bonus.

Dean looked at his boss and apologized. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	78. The Monster at the End of this Book

So, this is probably the worst drabble I've ever written for this series. It's also my favorite :)

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

But not in that way.

Ew.

It was because of this that he knew he totally wasn't as selfish as he had once thought.

Seriously.

_Slash?_


	79. Jump The Shark

I'm sorry this is late (again), you guys. It's been a really rough week. Fortunately, Show made it an easy drabble.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. For his brother to be safe and happy and normal. All the things Sam had wanted. All of the things Dean had secretly wanted. And now his brother had them.

His brother. Adam.

And Sam was trying to take all that away from the kid, wash away that innocence that was so rare in their family, ruin everything that John had done. Baptize him in blood. Make him a hunter.

He didn't want to admit it, but Dean was jealous of the kid. Wanted to be the kid. Have that innocence, that family. That kind of unknowing death. Taken in the night, eaten up, and given rest. Sweet, simple rest.

Adam was done, and as Dean looked up at the cherubic face of the latest angel to save him, he wished he could be as well. Even if it meant leaving Sam to become like their father. Alone. Bitter. A hunter.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	80. The Rapture

Just for the record, i had this one finished the day after the episode, but I like to post the drabble and the poem together, so... yeah. Also, school is kicking my ass. Sorry this is so late.  


* * *

He didn't want his brother.

He wanted his angel.

He wanted someone that believed in him, that valued him, that thought he could do no wrong. He wanted someone who thought he was capable, and strong, and worthy of something. Of anything.

Maybe trust. Maybe happiness. Maybe love.

He didn't really know and he didn't really care because those blue eyes weren't looking at him like he was going to be able to save anyone anymore. They were looking at him like he was holding the man attached hostage.

And in the end, that's exactly what Dean wound up doing.

He lost his brother. Sam with blood smeared down his face, lapping it up and exorcising the demon and just staring at him, challenging him.

He gained his angel. Cas, who chose a dying man over an innocent girl, who tried to walk past him, who told him he wasn't worthy of an angel's kindness.

Dean knew loss. He knew it more intimately than maybe anyone else on the planet. But he'd never felt it so deep. Because blue eyes looked at him like he was a monster, a torturer, a mud-monkey. And he wanted Cas. _His_ Cas. Even if it meant an angel had to feel emotion, had to care about him, had to Fall.

He wanted his angel to Fall.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	81. When The Levee Breaks

Roller coaster of an episode, and I can only hope that I captured some of that.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was to be like his father.

John's music, John's clothes, John's mission. Hunting and fighting and training and hitting his knees in dark alleys when the money got thin and his dad was nowhere in sight. He took care of Sam and he was _perfect_.

But he wasn't perfect enough. And after a while, he saw that. Saw that Sam was the favorite, no matter what he did or where he went. He realized that he wouldn't be good enough, and when his father gave everything for him, for something _not worthy_, he broke.

He didn't want to be like John anymore. He didn't know who to be, but it wasn't John.

Sam was John. Single purpose, means to an end. John. And Dean was angry. He'd just gotten out from beneath his father, didn't need another one breathing down his neck.

And the means to an end became worse, became evil.

And Dean became John.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	82. Lucifer Rising

You guys? This drabble broke me. I actually cried while writing it, and then again while reading it.

Just thought I'd warn ya. Thanks for reading this season. have a fun summer, and I'll see you in Septober for season five.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was to be _good enough_.

Thirty years on Earth, forty years in Hell. He bent to his father's will, did whatever his brother needed, followed Alistair's careful instructions. He didn't need glory. He just needed praise. Needed someone to tell him that he was worth _something_. That he wasn't just a waste of space.

An angel told him he was going to stop the Apocalypse, and he was stupid enough to believe the bastard. To think that he could save the world. That someone, even just a small-time angel, would know what he had done, would tell him he was good.

He was tricked, and he was lied to, and he should have known. He should have known that he wasn't good enough, that he couldn't do it.

Sam was the strong one. John never broke. His torture continued.

They lied to him. He wasn't good enough. Couldn't save Cas, couldn't save Dad, couldn't save Sam. Couldn't save the world.

But he could try.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	83. Sympathy For The Devil

*flails* So, I'm back. Sorry I haven't been on much. If I post stuff nowadays, it's mostly on Livejournal (I'm mummyluvr314 over there, if you care).

So, here's the spheil (sp?): I write one of these drabbles for every episode. They're about Dean and he thinks he's been selfish this week (and if you've stopped now and are yelling at the screen that I'm a horrible Sam!girl becuase Dean _isn't_ selfish, then you're missing the point. And I like Cas. _Blasphemy!_). So, there are always SPOILERS for the episode that it's written about. But that's to be expected, right? Right.

So, how was your war-torn Supernatural day?

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Sammy. Sam. The tall guy with the too-long hair and the puppy-dog eyes and a view of the world and everybody in it that Dean had always envied.

He didn't want black eyes. Didn't want Vader. Didn't want Bobby to disown them because of what that demon had done. That demon and the monster she had made.

So Dean stayed quiet. For the first time in a long time he didn't jump to his brother's defense, didn't make everything all better. Because he had Sam, he had Bobby, and he had his car. And the car couldn't care about him. The car couldn't treat him like a person instead of some toy to be played with, a sword forged in fire, used and thrown away at the end of days.

Which left Sam. Which left Bobby. It was a choice, and Dean made it.

Sam stared at him with those puppy-dog eyes, no longer blackened by tainted blood. And Dean made his choice.

He let his brother that wasn't his brother walk away.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	84. Good God, Y'All

*flails* I actually got OTP moments for my het AND slash pairings tonight. Nothing can harsh my squee. So here's your drabble. Enjoy :)  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

This wasn't Sam. This was a crack addict. Something that looked like his brother, but lusted for blood. Something that couldn't be trusted. Something that distracted him when he couldn't afford to be distracted. Something that had ruined everything. Had ruined the world, his life, Castiel's trust in him.

Everything.

Dean may have been co-dependent, but he wasn't stupid. It couldn't continue. Not if he was going to save everyone. Not if he was going to make something worthwhile of himself.

So he said good-bye. Maybe this time for good.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	85. Free To Be You And Me

OMG! *flails* This has seriously been the week from Hell. No joke. So that's why this is late. Because today has really been the first chance I've gotten to type/post. Yeah, it's been that hectic. Sorry for the wait.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

All he had ever wanted was his brother. Now, though… now things were different. Lucifer was free and Castiel was free. Dean was free. On his own, alone, but feeling the constant presence of the angel, a comforting warmth at his back.

Cas didn't ask anything of him. Not really. Not more than he was willing to give. Didn't take everything he had and then throw it all in his face by running off to be normal. By starting the Apocalypse.

So Dean accepted his angel. Accepted that Cas had to leave sometimes, but that he would always come back. Always. Not because he owed Dean anything. Not because he'd messed up and craved forgiveness. But just because.

And Dean would always let him. Sometimes make him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	86. The End

*flails again* I did it! On time! Yay! *collapses*  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

It was just too bad Dean didn't want him. Dean didn't want him, but the Devil did, and Dean was dying. Being killed. About to be assassinated. The Devil said so. And Lucifer would never lie to him.

So Sam said yes. He said yes and the Devil smiled and Nick crumpled to the ground as Dean - alive, well, and nowhere near the 200-mile-away ambush Lucifer had planned for him - rounded the corner. Just in time to see little brother bathed in unholy light.

Just enough time for the world to end.

For Sam to realize that even angels lied.

It was just too bad he didn't care anymore.


	87. Fallen Idols

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He'd given up his childhood for his Sam. His innocence. His life. His _soul_.

He gave it all up for Sam, and Sam had tried to get away from him. And because of that, Dean was going to take charge. Dean was going to be the boss. Dean was going to be a total jackass, apparently, and make his brother want to leave again.

Make his brother leave and get Cas back. Because Cas had never wanted to get away from him. Cas didn't blame him - often - for the Apocalypse, or his own issues. Cas was just there. Just his friend.

He was almost mad when Sam stayed. When they talked it out. When he handed over the keys.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	88. I Believe The Children Are Our Future

Sory this is a little late. Pretty sure I have swine flu. Had almost all of the symptoms (really only missing the fever) when I went to see the doctor. Now I'm running a fever. So, if this is... awkward in anyway, it probably has something to do with the flu and the fact that I'm having trouble concentrating on anything that isn't sleep. My apologies.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He knew that things would never go back to the way they'd been before. He knew full well that things were going to change between them. That they would never be like that again. That his brother had been right in Chicago all those years ago.

That didn't mean that Dean couldn't dream. Could wish for his family. For his dad and his annoying little brother and any strays they managed to pick up along the way. For prank wars and eye rolls and fart jokes.

For a simpler time when their biggest problem had been which ghost to bust. And he tried so hard to take them back there, to get that sense of fun and camaraderie back.

But there was Jesse. And Cas. And Sam bringing up the choices he'd made and ruining the whole charade before Dean had even really started believing it. Everything crumbled, everything fell, and all of that hard work was for nothing.

See if he ever tried to make everything all better again.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	89. The Curious Case Of Dean Winchester

Not gonna lie. Age acceleration squicks me to no end. I don't know why, but it does. So I spent most of this episode staring at everything BUT the TV. First time I've been scared to look since season one. Well played, Show. Well played.

Also, every nerd watching tonight lost the game. Bonus points if you got that reference.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His family.

And family didn't end with blood. He'd learned that from Bobby. Which was why he had to save him. And if Dean happened to die in the process, well, it wasn't like _that_ had never happened before.

That might be preferable, actually. Preferable to Apocalypses and angels and the fucking Devil wearing his brother around like a used prom dress.

Yeah. Death was better than that. Saving one of the last things he had left was better than that.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	90. Changing Channels

Ok. Hectic week, so this is a little late. But it's here. Yay!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. There had been a time, not so long ago, when Dean had imagined them being together always. When he'd dreamed of following Sam to college. Of being smart enough to get in.

He'd gotten his GED, sure, but he wanted more. Wanted to prove himself. And reading, writing, arithmetic, and a basic knowledge of the Latin language just weren't going to be enough.

Sam had taken Spanish in high school. He'd said that languages were a plus.

So Dean took Japanese.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	91. The Real Ghostbusters

Sorry that this is late again. I had some friends over for the weekend and another migraine attack. But it's here now. Hopefully it makes sense to those not heavily-medicated.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His brother and his life. Two things that belonged to him alone, and not to a rabid pack of fanboys.

Even if those fanboys taught him a lesson or two about himself.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	92. Abandon All Hope

Just... wow. no words, you guys. So, um, I guess I'll just leave you with this until January, huh? Yeah.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

A brother.

One to trust him and believe in him and not look at him like he was a freak. The kindness he hadn't seen in so long.

Someone to have faith in him and what he believed. How he believed.

The way he felt.

Six months. Detroit.

He knew how that one ended. He knew how it ended, and he still fought hopelessly to stop it.

It was because of this that Dean knew he was selfish.


	93. Sam, Interrupted

Yay! Show is back! And that's about all I have time for, so... rejoice amongst yourselves and I'll see you back here next week, similar time, same place! Funtimes!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He didn't care if Sam had problems, because he had problems, too. And if Sam started talking, started sharing, started working through those issues… well, he might get better. He might go back to being normal. And normal people don't hang out with crazy people.

So Dean used things. Used hunts, used victims, used injuries, used the Apocalypse. He used things that were more important than mental health in order to keep his brother crazy. Keep his brother close. Because if he was going to be locked up at the end of the world, he damn well wouldn't be alone.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	94. Swap Meat

OK. Let me apologize for being so, so late with these. Here's the thing: trying to manage a job, RL drama, a double major, and writing a novel can get hectic sometimes. I swear that I'll try to keep on the regular schedule when the show comes back this week. I swear. Really. I do. Ok. Did I mention that I was sorry? Because I am.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. But this wasn't Sam.

Sam had trouble enjoying the little things in life. Things like women and burgers and the simple thrill of the hunt. He chose instead to brood about things he couldn't change. Things like family and destiny and absent fathers.

So this wasn't Sam. This wasn't Sam because he was happy and bright-eyed and smiling. It wasn't Sam because he thought Dean was a good guy, and Sam hadn't thought that for a long time.

Not Sam. But Dean kinda liked him anyway, even if he did attempt a murder. He liked the kid because the kid liked Dean, and as sad and sorry as it sounded, he was just that desperate. For attention. For kindness. For anything other than destiny and bodies and smoke and fire rising into the Missouri sky.

Dean liked the kid because the kid liked him, and it was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	95. The Song Remains The Same

Yes. I am going to post the three I missed all at once. Sorry 'bout that.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. But Sammy couldn't act as a mom, not like Dean had for him. It wasn't part of his brotherly duty as the youngest. That was why Dean saw an opportunity and took it.

Yeah, it was risky. Yeah, it was foolish. But she had been glaring at him all night as if she hated him. As if he didn't belong in her modest home with her modest husband and their modest love. As if there were something wrong with him.

So he told her the truth. He didn't know what to expect at first. Disbelief, for sure. Possibly anger. Shouting. But once the storm had calmed, he knew what was coming. It was his mother, after all, who made him tomato rice soup when he was sick and told him that angels were watching over him. She loved him. She would. She would touch his face or hold his hand, show him somehow that he was maybe worth it before his existence ended. Maybe he would die happy, beloved, in way he'd never been able to before.

Or maybe the dick that wanted to stretch him out and roll him on would ruin all of his hard work and act like he was doing Dean a _favor_. Maybe his mother would never really know the man he'd become, could never touch his face or hold his hand or tell him she was proud. That didn't mean he had to say yes. In fact, it meant he planned to do the exact opposite for as long as possible. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	96. My Bloody Valentine

Last one. Boy, does it feel good to get caught up... in time to have to start all over on Thursday. I tell you, Hellatus is not my friend.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Or so he thought.

He should have been glad. After all, that lack of wanting made Sam safe, made him whole. Kept Dean from doing anything stupid.

All he ever wanted was his brother. Or a home. A family. Friends. He wanted lots of things and he didn't understand why he couldn't have an excuse to go after them. A chance to take Sam and just run. A chance to walk into some suburban shack and blow away the owners, claiming it for himself. A chance to find someone - anyone - who would put up with him. A chance to take that little angel that had been following him around like a lost puppy and properly rip those wings off, grounding him forever.

All he ever wanted was everything he couldn't have. It was because of this that he knew he was empty.


	97. Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Kinda sorta almost on time this week. Woohoo!  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He didn't need love.

He didn't.

Karen Singer was a monster and therefore didn't know what she was talking about. He loved people. He had been in love. He loved Sam, and his mother, and his father. He supposed he loved Bobby and Castiel, in a way. Just because he wasn't _in_ love with anybody didn't mean he couldn't understand. He got it, he did.

But the zombies couldn't stay, and even the threat of losing something he loved wouldn't stop Dean from doing his job. From doing his duty. From being a good leader. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	98. Dark Side Of The Moon

What can I say? This one actually popped into my head _during_ the episode and I couldn't shake it.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. Which was why he found himself standing next to Sam outside of the burning husk of his apartment.

"This is your Heaven?" Sam asked, turning an angry eye on his brother.

Dean shrugged. "What can I say? I can't control it."

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	99. 99 Problems

Um. I'm not even sure what this is. But it happened. So, here ya go.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. But Sam didn't want him. He'd proven that time and again. Even in Heaven.

So Dean drew back. He got lost. Not in the sense that he left. Not really. But in the sense that he checked out, stopped caring. The world was going to burn because the Devil said so, because the angels said so, because God was gone, because Cas was drunk (and he'd given him pills pills and booze and he knew where that led it led to more pills and more booze and orgies and pain and death and falling and Dean's fault Dean's fault Dean's fault). Because Sam didn't want him in his Heaven. Because it was all Dean's fault.

He stopped caring, and he drove. He drove to a one-night stand that didn't want him in her life because he failed. He failed at everything. His fault.

He drove to Lisa because she'd kissed him. She'd lied to him. She'd offered him something so much more than hunting and running and fucking up so epically that the whole world burned. He drove to Lisa because he didn't have anyone else. Because Sam didn't want him and Cas was Falling and he didn't know why he was there.

He didn't know.

But as she cried, he knew he was selfish.


	100. Point Of No Return

Yes.


	101. Hammer of the Gods

Finals are coming up. 'Nuff said.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. A brother. They had been a set once, so close that it _hurt._

Hurt like the blade slicing through flesh, warm blood and ashen feathers, a light so bright that it burnt from the inside out.

All he ever wanted was his brother. Someone to look at him the way they had before. The way Dean looked at Sam and Sam looked at Dean. Love and trust and loyalty all rolled into one.

All he ever wanted was his brother. A brother. Someone to stand beside him. To save him. To _stop_ him because he didn't want to do it, but he had to. He had to because he'd been told and this was how it had to be.

How it was always meant to be.

But Lucifer wasn't selfish. No. He was simply _driven_.


	102. The Devil You Know

All he ever wanted was his brother. He tried not to think about what, exactly, had brought Sam back into his life. He'd almost forgotten, until Brady said, "you're welcome."

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	103. Two Minutes to Midnight

Finals week. That's my excuse.  


* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. He knew Sam, knew him better than he knew himself.

He hated to say it, but everyone was wrong. Bobby. Cas. Death. Everyone except Sam. Sam had been right. He couldn't do it. He shouldn't be expected to.

Dean knew his brother. Knew Sam's guilt. He was looking for redemption in the form of Satan, and it wasn't going to work. Dean wouldn't let it. So he would lie and he would cheat and he would probably die. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	104. Swan Song

I know. I'm, like, three weeks late on this. Don't blame me. Blame my utter inability to unpack and the fact that I'm apparently the least-hire-able person in all of Nebraska.

In other news: FINALE! SEASON SIX! \o/ RANDOM CRACK THEORIES TO SUSTAIN US THROUGH THE SUMMER! Have a good three months, guys. I'll see you next season, and hopefully be more capable of keeping up with the updates. Thanks for another great season!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. And that want didn't end when Sam died. It grew into an ache, deep and throbbing and needy. But Dean had a promise to keep, a dying wish to grant. And he did. He did it for Sam because Sam hadn't done it for him. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	105. Exile on Main Street

So. New... everything. Season, showrunner, night. New drabbles.

Welcome back, guys!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. His blood. His family.

But Sam was dead, and his dying wish was for Dean to ignore that, to find someone new, someone he didn't love, someone he certainly didn't deserve. And Dean gave that to him, because he'd never been able to deny his brother anything.

But Sam wasn't dead. He wasn't dead, and he'd stayed away and Dean couldn't ignore that. He couldn't ignore his family. The one thing he'd ever wanted for himself. Ben and Lisa were nice, sure, but they weren't blood. He hadn't spent his every waking moment thinking of them.

But he'd dragged them into this, into danger. So he deserved to be punished. He deserved to sit back in his normal, apple pie life and protect them until he couldn't. Until something maybe snuck into the house. Until the day his reflexes dulled and blood that wasn't his fell to the floor. Until the day Sam came back. Again. To kill the thing that would undoubtedly kill Ben and Lisa.

Dean couldn't always be there, after all. He couldn't always protect them. Something would come. And when it did, Sam would be there to pick up the pieces, to be the family that Dean had always wanted. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	106. Two And A Half Men

Sorry for the delay in this one. I had an epic weekend at work followed by some epic homework. But it's here now! Yay!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He'd raised the kid, after all. It hurt when Sam acted surprised, acted like he didn't remember. For all Dean knew, he didn't.

For all Dean knew, this wasn't Sam. It was some imposter with his beloved brother's face, a body dug up by Samuel and his goons and brainwashed into hiding things, into lying.

But Dean tried not to think about that. He focused on all the ways that Sam as the same. He focused on the baby. His brother had been right, he wanted a family, but Lisa and Ben - understanding as they were - just couldn't be that. They didn't fit. Sam and the little shifter did.

He was hurt when Sam doubted him, took the kid, gave it to someone else, someone with no experience and cold features.

And then the Alpha came.

Dean watched himself stalk out of the panic room with the baby. Maybe he could pretend it would raise the boy the same. Maybe he could pretend it wouldn't be a monster. Maybe he could pretend that, for once, Dean Winchester would raise a child and it wouldn't end up twisted, angry, and evil.

It was because of this that he was selfish.


	107. The Third Man

So, it's technically Friday. I would have written/posted this sooner, but school and work got the best of me. I did finally get it done, though. Snaps for me.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. That didn't mean he'd forgotten about his angel, but Cas was up in Heaven, where he belonged, where he wanted to be. Dean hated to pull him away.

Ok, really, he didn't. He loved getting to see the little nerdy dude again, if only to have something familiar to set his sights on. Sam had changed too much, was too different.

Within an hour, Dean regretted his prayers. Sam wasn't the only one who'd changed. Cas was different, too. And it hurt. It hurt to be the only one who seemed to care, who seemed to notice that, even with the Apocalypse averted, everything was going to Hell.

But he wasn't alone. He wasn't trapped anymore, trying to be something he never could. He wasn't trying to live up to Sam's expectations. He had his family back, cold as they may seem, and that was all he needed. He couldn't call them out on it. He couldn't risk losing them again. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	108. Weekend at Bobby's

So, I totally had this written Friday night and just kept forgetting to post it. Oops. Feel free to stone me if you deem fit.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother. But Sam wasn't Sam, and he couldn't talk to Sam about it.

So Dean did what he always did. He called Bobby. It was because of this that he knew that he was selfish.


	109. Live Free or TwiHard

I can't even blame my tardiness on school this time. No, this week it was the novel that kept me from updating. But I got this up before Friday, so I'm still counting it as a victory!

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He wanted his brother to see, to understand, to finally comprehend the hardships of his life. The man had never understood his motivations, probably never would. He was quick to judge, slow to forget.

So he was getting a taste of his own medicine. Calculated looks, sealed lips, suspicion, addiction.

That last one was probably the best. A perfect bonding experience. Brothers in blood.

It was because of this that Sam knew he was selfish.


	110. You Can't Handle the Truth

"All I ever wanted was my brother.

"The brother I raised. The one I sold my soul for. The one I love.

"I think he's a monster. He can't be trusted. And I know I'm right. Even Truth can't get the truth out of him.

"That's not going to stop me, though. It's not going to make me leave, or run back with my tail between my legs. It's not going to make me hurt him, make me shoot him or stab him or burn him. He's different, yeah. He's wrong, even. He's not my brother. He'll keep hurting people, and putting me in danger.

"But I can't kill him. I could never kill him. Even if he is like me. It's because of this that I know we're selfish."


	111. Family Matters

All he ever wanted was his brother. Happy. Safe. Whole.

The "Soulless Wonder" act wasn't doing it for Dean. He wanted to help, wanted to make Sam act like Sam and smile and laugh and be his brother. He just didn't know how.

It wasn't like he thought he was more important than the state of Bobby's soul, or Samuel's quest for Alpha monsters, or Castiel's civil war. Because he wasn't. Dean wasn't important at all.

But Sam was. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	112. All Dogs Go to Heaven

All he ever wanted was his brother.

Maybe he was being cruel. Maybe Sam was better off now. The younger man had finally found a place where he belonged, and people who accepted him as he was instead of forcing him to bend and change to their whims.

Maybe Dean was just jealous. Maybe he needed Sam to come back from Hell emotionally broken. Maybe he didn't want to be the only one with nightmares and darkness in his eyes.

Maybe it was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	113. Clap Your Hands if You Believe

All he ever wanted was his brother.

This wasn't Sam. Dean knew that. He'd known it for a while. That wasn't going to stop him from changing the young man that had crawled out of Hell and stumbled around for a year before finding him. It wasn't going to stop him from taking this new Sam and making him just like the old Sam, coaching and scolding and working for a demon.

It wasn't going to stop him from making his brother suffer, simply because Sam had made him suffer. They'd both had a year's respite; Dean from hunting and Sam from empathy. If Dean was going to be dragged back from his little vacation, he was going to be bringing Sam with him, whether Sam wanted it or not.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	114. Caged Heat

All he ever wanted was his brother.

Broken. Drooling. Insane. Comatose. It didn't really matter, just so long as it was Sam. Really, actually Sam.

Anything was better than living with the replicant. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	115. Appointment in Samarra

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He had to stare in awe at the bright, glowing thing in Death's hand. That was Sam. His brother. Over one hundred years in Hell, and he still shone as bright as the sun.

Dean couldn't remember his own resurrection, the melding of body and soul. He guessed it looked kind of like this, but without the panic-stricken expression and the beautiful lightshow. Because Sam, despite whatever reindeer games Mike and Luci had made him join in, was still Sam. Still good. Still pure. And Dean was tainted.

For a moment, he considered running at Death, tackling the creature and knocking that immaculate orb out of existence. For a moment, he hated his brother and everything Sam had put him through that had marked him all up. For a moment, he wished he hadn't tried to fix the thing with Sammy's face.

The moment passed, the light disappeared. Dean still felt angry, jealous.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	116. Like a Virgin

Wheeeeeeeeeeee! Hellatus is over and this is my very first post here from a brand new computer! So sit back, relax, and enjoy the second half of season 6.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He had a Sam that wasn't Sam, and that Sam wasn't good enough, so he made a deal and he got a Sam that was really Sam back. A Sam with a soul, and puppy eyes, and empathy, and the annoying brains to get whatever he wanted eventually.

Sam.

His brother.

Sam.

It didn't matter if one day the Sam that hadn't been Sam but was Sam now remembered. Knew that Dean had lied. Knew that Dean had made a deal with Death. It didn't matter, because Sam was Sam and Dean was Dean and it was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	117. Unforgiven

All he ever wanted was his brother.

And he had him. He had Sam. But there was one thing Dean hadn't counted on: Sam was Sam. He had a soul, and that soul wouldn't let him have any peace until he sought forgiveness for the things he'd done in that long year. And that meant scratching, even though Dean had told him explicitly not to.

In a way, he was relieved when Sam hit the floor. No more hiding, no more lying, no more uncertainty. The floodgate was open, and whatever happened after that, happened. At least he had his brother back, even if it had only lasted a week. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	118. Mannequin 3: The Reckoning

Sorry this one's a little late. I've been kind of under the weather lately.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

Sam snapped out of it. That was all that mattered.

Sam snapped out of it and Dean had proven his point about scratching the wall and leaving the past behind. And the past always had to be left behind, for the safety of all involved. No matter who got hurt.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	119. The French Mistake

All he ever wanted was his brother.

All he ever wanted was for his brother to have a chance at something better. Maybe not normal, but safer. Without the running and the scams and the bullets flying everywhere.

Sam could have that here. Dean supposed he could have it, too, but this Jared guy was the one with the good life. He was the one that Sam deserved to be: happily married with a badass mansion and a smokin' wife.

It didn't matter that Bobby and Cas and, hell, even Balthazar, were back in the real world. All that really mattered to Dean was Sam and the cozy life he now had the chance to have. The cozy life they both had a chance at. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	120. And Then There Were None

All he ever wanted was his brother.

For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, insane brain slug or no. Despite the trespasses of their past, despite the Apocalypse and the angels and the demon blood. Sam was his and he was Sam's, and it was always going to be that way. No matter what. No matter the consequences.

All was forgiven.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	121. My Heart Will Go On

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He never signed up for this. For Bobby and Ellen and Jo and Cas and, hell, even Balthazar. It wasn't supposed to get so crowded. It wasn't supposed to be so complicated.

Dean and Sam. Together forever, hurting as few people as possible.

No alternate universes. No re-dos. No fate of fifty-thousand for the sake of themselves.

No sacrificing friends.

That was all he wanted. Something simple and uncomplicated between the two of them, with no one else to muddy things up.

Sometimes he thought the others would be better off dead, for everyone's sake. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	122. Frontierland

I know. I know. I am horribly behind this week. But I have an excuse. It's the last three weeks of the school year, so i've got tests and papers and projects out the persqueeter. I'll try to get the next few episodes up within of week of them actually airing. Promise.

* * *

All he ever wanted was his brother.

He was a simple man, Dean. Didn't ask for much. He didn't always need food or a bed or a roof over his head at night. He took pleasure from the simple things: family, traveling, being together.

He would've made a great cowboy, to tell the truth. Upholding justice and sleeping under the stars were already ingrained into his person. A different time wouldn't have made that much of a difference.

To tell the truth, he was a little disappointed when he slid across Bobby's floor. Not because he'd missed out on the ashes, but because he was sitting on Bobby's floor back in the middle of a post-Apocalyptic mess of his own making. He yearned for a simpler time, to get lost with his brother under the stars with nothing but a couple of horses and the clothes on their own backs. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	123. Mommy Dearest

All he ever wanted was his brother.

That wasn't to say Dean didn't appreciate others. Bobby was like a father to him. Cas was a trusted friend.

But his mother… Mary… she was special. She popped up when Dean least expected to see her and she changed the game completely. She was a spirit or an illusion, a wish or a newly-wed.

She was a Mother.

She was a Mother – his mother – and even though she was _wrong_ she was _there_. She was in front of him and she smelled right even if she sounded wrong, and then she was behind him and she was touching him and if he closed his eyes and didn't think too much, she was _real_.

It almost felt like a kiss.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	124. The Man Who Would Be King

All he ever wanted was his brother.

Family.

It was hard to let people into his life when they were always so violently ripped away. For a while, Sam had been all he had. Then Bobby had taken up John's role without actually taking it, and Lisa and Ben had come back into his life…

But Bobby had been paralyzed, and Lisa and Ben were in constant danger when he was around. Jo and Ellen were dead. Rufus was dead. Ash was dead.

Dean had what some people might call "abandonment issues." He just called it intelligence. When everyone dies or walks away, it's prudent to keep one's guard up.

Somehow, Cas got in. The nerdy angel with the nerdy speech patterns in the nerdy trenchcoat had made Dean believe, for once in his life, that maybe he wasn't at fault for losing everyone. Maybe he deserved that family that he wanted.

And then Cas pulled a Sam. Teamed up with a demon, hurt innocent people, and shoved his head so far up his ass that he was nosing his esophagus.

Dean wanted to believe him, like he'd tried to believe Sam. He wanted to have faith. He wanted his make-shift family to hold up, but in the end it couldn't.

He knew that. He had probably known that all along. He'd just wanted to believe, just once, that everything would be ok. It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	125. Let It Bleed

All he ever wanted was his brother.

That was mostly true. He loved Sam, and needed Sam, and genuinely enjoyed being around Sam. But Sam was gassy, and smug, and arrogant at times. Sometimes, Dean wanted something more.

He wanted, and when he dared reach out and try to take, he only left pain in his wake. Still, he wanted. Still, he reached out. Still, people hurt.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.


	126. The Man Who Knew Too Much

All he ever wanted was his brother.

Sam was unconscious and Cas had gone AWOL and Bobby was talking sense but Dean didn't want to listen.

Sam was all he had left.

Everything else could wait.

And Castiel would be punished.

It was because of this that he knew he was selfish.

* * *

And that's it for season six. I guess I'll see anyone who's still hanging out here next year for season seven. Let's hope I'm a little more organized next year, huh? Until then.


	127. Announcement

Hi guys. It's been a long summer.

You have no idea how excited I am for season seven, especially given the return of Lucifer.

But I have bad news.

Over the past few years, I've kind of dropped off the fanfiction map for various reasons. I've been working on some original fiction, gotten myself a nice minimum wage job, and have been hard at work trying to complete two majors in college. This year I'm graduating and will therefore be looking into and applying to various graduate programs. This, homework, and work are going to be taking up most of my time.

So I had to make a decision (and boy was it a hard one). These on-going fic-things have slowly become a hassle to keep updating on time, and with most of my work hours being moved to the weekend when classes started, I need my Friday nights and free time for homework.

It is with a heavy heart that I abandon the poems and drabbles that I've been working on for the past six years. I just don't have the time (or the sanity). I'll still be in the fandom (both this one and Being Human US), and may post some drabbles on other sites, but these stories are done.

Thanks for all the awesome reviews,

Michelle


End file.
